Journalism site The Toast has what I believe is the only first-person account of Cotard’s delusion – the belief that you’re dead – which can occur in psychosis.
The article is by writer Esmé Weijun Wang who describes her own episode of psychosis and how she came to believe, and later unbelieve, that she was dead.
It’s an incredibly evocative piece and historically, worth remembering.
Somatic details figure heavily in these recollections: what I wore, what I looked like. I told myself, through mirrors and dressing-up and Polaroids and weighing myself, You have a body. The body is alive.
But the more that I tried to remind myself of the various ways in which I did, in fact, seem to have a body that was moving, with a heart that pumped blood, the more agitated I became. Being dead butted up against the so-called evidence of being alive, and so I grew to avoid that evidence because proof was not a comfort; instead, it pointed to my insanity.
Link to ‘Perdition Days: On Experiencing Psychosis’
You’ve already linked this article in one of your spike activities (11-07-2014; so much about “worth remembering”). It’s great, though, so I guess it’s worth repeating.
Carlos Castaneda once described this experience in his book (do not remember which part.
Hi
I love your column – always fascinating. However, I just wanted to point out that I actually wrote the first first-person account of living with Cotard’s Disorder back in 2013. I only point it out because it took me 3 years to track down a person with the disorder so am quite proud of the achievement!
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn23583-mindscapes-first-interview-with-a-dead-man.html#.VC0iwvldXDQ
Best,
Helen
Hi
I also got the first interview with someone with Cotard’s back in 2013:
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn23583-mindscapes-first-interview-with-a-dead-man.html#.VC0iwvldXDQ