Psychiatric drugs are an essential tool in the treatment of mental illness but the pharmaceutical industry is still one of the most ethically dubious enterprises on the planet. That’s why I use spoof drug ads, because sometimes only the best will do.
If you want to be part of the health care revolution, here’s a selection of some of the finest drugs that money can’t buy:
The Onion News Network reports on Despondex, the first depressant drug for persistent perkiness.
Havidol is the first and only treatment for Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder. When more is not enough.
The happiest drug on the planet is clearly Progenivoritox, just be careful about those side-effects.
Panexa is a prescription drug that should only be taken by patients experiencing one of the following disorders: metabolism, binocular vision, digestion (solid and liquid), circulation, menstruation, cognition, osculation, extremes of emotion.
Depressed? Over worked? Job suck? Unappreciated? Family problems? Money worries? Well here’s a pill for you! Fukitol.
So next time you’re affected by drug companies hiding unfavourable results, burying data about side effects, illegally promoting pills for unlicensed conditions, stuffing doctors’ pockets with cash and gifts, promoting scientifically unfeasible theories and pushing astroturfed health campaigns, ask the drug industry to continue their essential work without being so unnecessarily dodgy.
Warning: side effects may vary.